We've all been told that failure is no longer viewed as bad; it’s data for growth. But why does it still feel so painful? Amy Edmondson, in her book The Right Kind of Wrong, explains that failing well is challenging for three reasons:
Aversion to failure due to an instinctive emotional response.
Confusion by failure from not understanding the types of failure.
Fear of social stigma associated with failure.
Navigating failure effectively requires understanding and processing the emotional responses that accompany it. Failing well doesn’t exempt us from feeling the weight of failure; it requires us to lean into those feelings without allowing them to impact our future confidence or ability to take action.
To help with the emotions that arise from failure and facilitate learning, I developed a step-by-step approach. This playbook is critical because failure can be ego-threatening, activating the amygdala and triggering feelings of guilt and shame, which ultimately hinder the learning process.
We don’t need to ignore or eliminate these painful feelings. It's about recognizing that it hurts, naming the feeling, and allowing ourselves to feel bad for a time. The harder we push our feelings away, the longer they will linger.
As a parent, I appreciate Dr. Becky’s advice to give kids "life lessons" when they are not overwhelmed by emotions—because kids can’t learn in the middle of a tantrum. As adults, even if we are better at self-regulation, we still need to give ourselves time to process emotions before we can learn effectively.
If you want to learn more, I have developed a step-by-step approach to bouncing back from failure and mistakes called "5 Steps for Riding the Failure Rollercoaster."
Download it here: https://thejolt.myflodesk.com/failure
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